101 Bullets

For a long time I had this concept of a FPS where every bullet counts. I imagined a soldier stuck on the frontline, scrounging for ammo under the threat of faceless  enemies. This was a complete work of fiction, not a true story.

Unfortunately, real life struck and true horror revealed itself. The ideas in my head, from when I was a boy, lingered but paled in comparison to the world today. I never thought evil, cruelty and trauma, the scope of which I only saw in movies, could still exist, let alone be so close.

People have died around me of illnesses and old age. I was still processing my grief when reality turned into my worst fears and nightmares. It's at this point that making another shooter game lost meaning.

There are real bullets and a war just over the border, where part of my family hails from. Distant relatives I have never known are living through the terror my great-grandmother would be silent about. Somewhere, underneath the bombs and the fighting, lie the bones of a man whose name will soon be completely forgotten.

In this context, I tried to process my grief by creating not the game I envisioned but a short walking simulator, a fictional story, because the real one is lost. To inject a little bit of truth into my fiction and lay the ghosts of my family to rest.

In these last 2 years I saw how, even in a position of safety and privilege, my family was torn apart. Mental diseases and illnesses can still hurt and kill, even in times of peace. Like in war, the most horrible terror is being powerless against an invisible harm. It can hit gradually, or suddenly, cause tragedy, hurt innocents and threaten or harm you every day. It's something you can't stop, you can't blame, you can't face, you can't escape from. You feel guilty to have survived it, while the ones you loved have fallen and you await your turn. This game and its' story try to capture a sliver of these feelings.

Please consider making a difference for the ones who are going through the real horrors of war right now, by giving them support at United24.
If you've already done this, thank you.